Tell me how I should feel

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Tell me how I should feel

I lost a good friend to smoking-related diseases early this year. She spent the better part of a year in the hospital. A week before she died, she did not look as bad as Mitch McConnell does now. 
 
I hated McConnell before hating McConnell was cool. A long time ago -- roughly three decades ago -- he insulted a friend of mine while speaking in the Senate. The things he said were arguably libelous, but he was protected by Article I, Section 6, Clause 1 of the Constitution. 
 
(I can't tell you who my friend was or what he said about her.)

There was a time when genuine campaign finance reform was this close to becoming a reality in the United States. I cared a great deal about that issue. McConnell was the greatest enemy of reform. 

Long before the Merrick Garland outrage, long before the arrival of Trump on the scene, I despised Mitch McConnell. 

So tell me how I should feel now. 

Blue/purple lips and hands are symptoms of cyanosis, which usually indicates a problem with the heart or lungs. I've had two heart attacks and I have Reynaud's syndrome, which sometimes expresses itself as cyanosis, though it has not done so in my case. 

I can't pretend to be above hatred. I can't pretend to uphold the Christian ideal of loving one's enemy. I can't pretend to disdain revenge or schadenfreude. I can't pretend to forgive the horrible ways in which that man has exercised the authority he has wielded. 
 
On the other hand, I could end up looking like Mitch McConnell a decade from now, or a week from now. Maybe never.
 
So tell me how I should feel.


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